Valentines Day: part one

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Tragedy is an imitation not only of a complete action but of events inspiring fear and pity. such an effect is best produced when the events come on us by surprise and the effect is heightened when at the same time they follow as cause and effect. For even coincidences are most striking when they have an air of design.
~Aristotle
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And an old priest said, "Speak to us of Religion."
And he said: Have I spoken this day of aught else? Is not religion all deeds and all reflection, And that which is neither deed nor reflection, but a wonder and a surprise ever springing in the soul, even while the hands hew the stone or tend the loom?
Who can separate his faith from his actions, or his belief from his occupations? Who can spread his hours before him, saying, "This for God and this for myself; This for my soul, and this other for my body?"
~The Prophet: On Religion, Kahlil Gibran
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Happy Valentines Day!!! Much love everyone......

I’ve worked so hard to rebuild and gain some sense of myself and who I am in these past 9 days. I have been so ill. And my mantra for living is simply-

To nurture and honor my heart and what my heart wants.
To regain control of my life and body.
To heal, and in that process of healing, to protect myself against anything which might hurt or take away my energy and time.

I am in a continual process of creation at the moment, in healing. Today is my day for “self-love.” Right now I want to do loving things for myself and be kind to others. To teach love and to be an integral person. Anxiety and stress make my head hurt and make me queasy, so I am doing my best to cultivate an attitude of peace.

I wish my actions to truly reflect my soul and the calling of my heart. Always and in all ways.

My greatest fear in Marvellous returning, has been losing my sense of who I am again. I tend to get swept away in how I feel and admittedly I have a very needy inner child. And drama, stress and big things sap my energy quite a bit. I have feared not seeing Marvellous and also looked forward to it with a great deal of passion.

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“Describe the emptiness inside:”
“Well, it’s like you’ve been hurt traumatized and so your defense when people have hurt you or taken something by coercion or force, is to make that space even more empty- so that there is nothing to take.
So people get caught in the mirror of that emptiness and you fill their head with ideas or ask a lot of questions and they never know you- they just see themselves in whatever way they want.”
“So if they don’t see you, then they’re never able to see what there is to take in the first place?”
“Exactly. Simple rogerian technique- just be a reflection.”
~From Reflections with Ansur, A. Rose
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So here we are. Ground Zero. The day of arrival.

I am graciously relieved to report that Marvellous made it home. He came to see me this morning- more accurately he woke me up. It really threw me. I was expecting him later in the day- but there he was, with chocolates. Strange. He seemed cold and reserved.

But it is rather romantic. climbing to the tower- waking up the princess with chocolates.

I felt fluttery, disconnected. I wasn’t sure what to do- I’ve been reprogramming my life to help rebuild my psyche and emotions as well as my mind and body. And my new programming has a series of things that I do everyday.

Normally I have tea, and eat a little something, and listen to something inspriational or educational, and then I write. I meditate and review my plan for the day and I focus on what my goals are and how I am going to create them. I dedicate my day to spirit and cultivate an attitude of peace and gratitude to carry through my day.

But here was Marvellous- smelling like a tropical breeze and looking as yummy as a macadamia nut. But cold. Tired, a bit groggy, I just didn’t know what to do. Stick with the plan.... stay on track with my life..... or lavish a lot of attention on him and cuddle him and love him.

We spoke and it felt awkward and disjointed. He lounged on my couch and started reading and I bustled around making tea an so forth.

While I was debating what to do, feeling discombobulated and a little out of place, I set up my soundtrack for the day- Aristotle and Kahlil Gibran.

But I didn’t press play. I was about to and he rose to leave.

So I hugged him goodbye, and returned to my playlist. Suddenly there I am, listening to Aristotle’s discourse of tragedy. And Kahlil’s thoughts on death and religion. And when I first realized the audiotrack was about tragedy I immediatly laughed and wanted to turn it off... I think the universe has a really funny sense of humor- of all of the tracks to choose for this Morning- for Valentines day..... why a section on how to write a tragedy? Or death for that matter.

I am far more interested in farce these days. but I did listen.

We shall see if I can’t turn that tragedy into comedy yet. I might have started my Valentines day with a sad note, but I am not yet shaken. Tired, yes, Marvellous woke me a tad early (by a couple of hours)

As for death.... well, I have died before. And been hit by lightning. It is not such a bad thing to die. Your life flashes before your eyes, you enter a dark place and begin moving toward white light. And then if you are not ready or have more to do, you are sent back.


Stay Tuned...... theres a lot to say, so I may take a little while to post this